


Hot Couch Potato Soup

by hereforthephilindafics



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Couch Sex, Gen, MCU Kink Bingo, breaking furniture during sex, quarantine is getting to me sorry!, the whole team has one brain cell, this makes no sense timeline wise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23304577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforthephilindafics/pseuds/hereforthephilindafics
Summary: The reclining chair is broken and the team tries to find out how it broke.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 13
Kudos: 57
Collections: MCU Kink Bingo Round 4





	Hot Couch Potato Soup

**Author's Note:**

> For the MCU Kink Bingo
> 
> Square Filled: Accidentally Breaking the Furniture During Sex
> 
> This was supposed to be smut but my brain didn't co-operate. The last few days have been a little tough so I decided to write something lighthearted.
> 
> This makes no sense timeline wise, I'm just a sucker for the team being all together and happy.
> 
> Enjoy!

Daisy ran down the hallway laughing, the sound bounced off the brick walls of the Playground and echoed into the quiet of the night. It was past one in the morning.

“Shhh, Daisy! May is going to catch us and put us on latrine duty,” Lincoln said, circling Daisy’s wrist with his fingers and pulling her back.

Daisy crashed into him, breathing heavily, still feeling tingly after their quickie in the locker room. In her defense, she invited him to just work-out, but one thing led to the other… Daisy wrinkled her nose. “Please don’t bring up May right now.”

“Yeah, it’s weird thinking of parents right after you banged your girlfriend.”

Daisy squealed when Lincoln lifted her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. “Hilarious,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Lincoln grinned. “We should do this more often.”

“Yeah so we can get read the riot—

A loud crack made them both look toward the common room. Lincoln set Daisy down and walked in front of her. Daisy rolled her eyes again but stuck close to him as they walked down the hall. Lincoln stopped when he thought he saw two silhouettes move, looking back at Daisy confirmed she had seen them too. But when they busted into the common room ready to fight there was no one there.

“This is creepy,” Lincoln said.

“This is how the movies Mack and Yo-yo love to watch so much start.”

“Well…we did just have sex, so we are the first to go I guess.”

Daisy kicked Lincoln lightly. “Come on, there’s nothing here except for the nocturnal mouse. I’m actually getting sleepy.”

Lincoln grinned. Daisy sighed and dragged him by his shirt to her bunk.

“All I’m saying is how many times do we get to eat breakfast without Hydra attacking or May running drills? Come on, mate!” Hunter threw his arm around Fitz’s shoulders and dragged him to the kitchenette.

Jemma and Bobbi followed the boys shaking their heads.

“Hunter, do you even know how to make pancakes?”

“That’s why you two are here.”

Jemma raised her eyebrow at Hunter while Fitz took a step back, cringing. “Because we are girls and we must know how to make food?”

“Bloody hell! No, because I know for a fact you know how to make pancakes and if Bobbi can cook up a whole cover story and make me fall in love with her, she can cook breakfast.”

A banana flew across the table and hit Hunter right on the nose. Fitz doubled over laughing while Hunter swore and bent forward, covering his face with his hands.

“No wasting food,” May said as she came down the stairs from Coulson’s office. She started scrolling through a tablet once she joined the others in the kitchenette.

“Early morning or late night, Agent May?” Hunter asked, wagging his eyebrows.

May looked up and deadpanned.

Jemma and Fitz stepped back in case another banana flew across the table.

“Bobbi,” May said without looking away from Hunter’s paling face. “I just sent some intel to your tablet. Look it over once you’re done feeding your idiot boyfriend. We have a mission tonight.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Bobbi said as May walked away.

“She is scary,” Hunter said, peeling the banana Bobbi threw at him and taking a bite.

“No, she only hates you because you antagonize her. And stop eating if you really want pancakes,” Bobbi said.

The four of them took longer than necessary to make two stacks of pancakes. Hunter ruined a few good ones by trying to show off and flipping them in the air. One of the pancakes ended up on the stove vent and the other on the floor. Bobbi shook her head.

“That’s it, Hunter! You’re in time out,” she said, after the third time he tried to eat the batter. “Go sit down and leave me alone.”

Hunter grinned around a mouthful of pancakes slathered in Nutella.

“Bloody hell—

The crack and thump muffled Hunter’s swears. The other three turned to find him on the floor, his legs almost behind his ears while the reclining seat was sagging in the middle, the back hanging to the left.

“Hunter! What the hell did you do?” Bobbi asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“What makes you think this is my fault…is no one going to bloody help me?”

Fitz helped him up while laughing. Jemma covered her mouth, wheezing.

“That was not my fault.”

Bobbi shook her head.

“You sat in it last, Agent Hunter, so it comes out of your paycheck,” Coulson said, coming down the stairs while he secured his prosthetic hand.

“This is the worst morning.” Hunter kicked the seat.

“Don’t take it out on the seat. Maybe you need to get back in shape,” Coulson said, folding a pancake in two and shoving it in his mouth.

“Does no one around here use eating utensils?” Jemma said.

“Your girlfriend left ten minutes ago,” Hunter said, “Sir.”

“You have a death wish this morning,” Bobbi said.

“Just trying to get away from you, love.”

Fitz poured Jemma some tea as he murmured, “So another day at work then?” He smiled at her as he joined her in the corner of the table, away from Bobbi and Hunter’s chaos. Their peaceful moment did not last because Daisy barreled into the common room with Lincoln in tow.

“Coulson said you guys made pancakes,” she said, going straight for the food.

“Us girls, did. Go wash your hands, Daisy,” Jemma said, pulling the plate away.

Daisy rolled her eyes but walked to the sink.

“Hunter, you broke the reclining seat?” Lincoln asked, smirking.

“Sure, mate, pile it on!”

“Hey, Daisy… maybe that’s what that noise was last night,” Lincoln said, looking in Daisy’s direction.

“What noise?” Fitz asked.

“We heard a really loud crack coming from in here last night when we were in the hallway.”

“It had to be after ten cause Hunter and I were in here watching Star Wars until ten-thirty.”

“And what were you love birds doing so late in the hallway after lights out?” Hunter asked, smirking.

“Lights out is at ten smartass, so if you snitch I’m snitching,” Daisy said, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms on her chest.

“May does not need another reason to demote him,” Bobbi said.

“The mystery of the broken couch remains,” Jemma said, wagging her eyebrows at Fitz as she sipped her tea. He snorted.

“Maybe we could have Mack look at it, tell us how it happened,” Daisy said.

“Mack is an engineer, not an assembly line worker, Daisy,” Fitz said.

All of them half-dragged half-pushed the broken reclining chair to the hangar. A few agents looked at them and shook their heads. Hunter smiled and waved at everyone who stared, wishing them a good day. They found Mack with his head in the engine of one of the SUVs. Elena was sitting on one of the supply cases, drawing in her sketch book.

“ _Que eso_?”

Mack looked up. “Did you guys go dumpster diving?”

“Hunter broke the chair,” Bobbi said, popping her back.

“I bloody did not!” Hunter walked away from the chair and kicked an empty can.

“Hey! Leave my shop alone! What happened?”

“Hunter sat in the reclining chair and fell on the floor,” Daisy said.

Mack and Elena looked at each-other.

“We are guessing it might be broken?” Lincoln said.

“You lot are horrible spies,” Fitz said.

“I have to go. Coulson has some stuff he needs me to look over,” Jemma said, nodding toward the hangar door at Fitz.

“Yeah, okay,” everyone said at once.

“So back to the chair?” Elena hopped off the case and circled around it.

Daisy patted the back of it. “We thought Mack could tell us how it broke?”

“Because…I can fix cars?”

“Cause you’re an engineer.”

“I gotta find you someone to fight so you can leave me alone.”

“Sorry, Mack, I told her it was a stupid idea,” Bobbi said. Her phone pinged and she looked down at it, frowning.

“Let me guess, Coulson gave you something to do as well?” Hunter asked.

“This is May’s mission, and you’re coming with. Come on, say bye.”

Hunter pretended to tie a noose around his neck and rolled his eyes, sticking his tongue out. “Don’t get married, Mack!” He said as Bobbi dragged him by his belt loop.

“ _Cabron_ ,” Elena said.

Lincoln snorted. “Come on, Daisy. Let Mack work. Maybe he can look at the chair later.”

“Yeah, I actually gotta finish this car by tonight.”

“Fine! But I want to know how this thing broke!”

Mack watched Daisy and Lincoln leave, frowning.

“ _Que pasa, papi_?” Elena wrapped her arms around Mack’s torso from behind. “You sad the chair broke?”

“More like creeped out because those idiots forgot something crucial,” Mack said, turning to her. “Coulson is usually the only one who sits in that chair.”

“So? Maybe he broke it and was trying to prank someone.”

Mack blinked for a second and shook his head as if to clear it. “Maybe. Let me finish this engine and I’ll look at the chair.”

Elena and Mack took the SUV he fixed for a test drive and came back later in the day. They almost forgot about the chair, but something kept nagging at Mack. He walked over to where the rest of the team had dragged the chair to and frowned at it.

“It looks like someone leaned on it so hard the back cracked under the pressure. The chair rocks so it has a looser system holding the back attached to the base. And it’s old as hell.”

Elena snorted. “Maybe Coulson jumped in it and he got fatter than he thought.”

Mack shook his head as he removed the cushion. “What the…” He picked up the plyers on the floor and held up a scrap of cloth that was black and lacy. “Is this…Yoyo, is this what I think it is?” He held the plyers toward her.

“What makes you think I want to inspect those closer!” She smacked his hand away and the thong fell on the floor.

Mack shuddered and Elena laughed.

“You think Coulson wears those?”

“No, I’m starting to think I know how the chair broke.” Mack held up a Captain America sock. “And who helped him break it.”

Elena blinked before her eyes widened and she hollered. “ _Ay, cono_! He and May like it rough!”

“Shhh, keep your voice down!”

“Are you going to give them their stuff back?’

Mack shuddered. “I’m going to burn them, and then reinforce the back piece of this dam chair. After I get the bleach wipes.”

Elena laughed but helped Mack. With her super speed they finished the chair before lunch. They dragged it back just as May and Coulson were coming down from Coulson’s office. Elena could tell how Mack would rather be hiding in his garage.

“Mack, what the hell are you doing with the chair?” Coulson asked, going to the coffee machine and pouring himself a cup.

“I…umm fixed it, Sir. The back was broken.”

“Oh,” Coulson sipped his coffee and looked at May, who was scrolling rather intently through her tablet. “Well, you did not have to but thank you. Why don’t you and Yoyo take tomorrow off?”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“ _Gracias_ , boss!” Elena bounced on her feet and dragged Mack away.

Coulson put down his coffee mug and sighed. May snorted, locking the tablet.

“He definitely knows.”

“You think? I’m sure my thong was somewhere in that chair.”

Coulson cringed. “I’m still a sock short.”

May rolled her eyes. “We’ll get you more.”

“I just don’t know why you insist on taking my socks off?”

“Who keeps their socks on during sex?”

Coulson rolled his eyes as he picked up his mug again. “People who are in a rush and need to be more careful.”

May smacked his ass with the tablet as he walked out of the common room first.

Agent Koenig had been looking for Director Coulson or Commander May for half an hour but did not find either one. He knew they had returned from a recon mission along with Agent Morse a few hours ago. However, no one could tell him where they were once debriefing was done. Koenig decided to leave the data on the tablet on the Director’s desk and go over it in the morning. He was still looking at the graphs when he opened the door and heard the first moan.

The tablet almost slipped from his fingers when he looked up and saw May’s naked back. Her soft sighs were drowned by the Director’s groans. Koenig almost saw more than May’s back when she moved up. He backed out of the room and closed to door softly. It didn’t look like they had realized he was there. Agent Koenig shook his head trying to get the image out of his head and shuddered.

He heard a crack as he started walking away followed by an annoyed groan.

“That’s it, Phil, I’m confiscating your prosthetic hand when we have sex from now on,” May said.


End file.
